CRUSTON WITHERS<no puppies were harmed during the writing of this profile>
CRUSTON WITHERS
<no puppies were harmed during the writing of this profile>
Real Name: Unrevealed;
Cruston Withers may or may not have been an alias
Identity/Class: Human (mentally insane)
Occupation: Former professional bowler
Group Membership: Formerly an unidentified "big league" bowling league
Affiliations: None
Enemies: Deadpool (Jack/"Wade Wilson"), Gruto duplicate, puppies and squirrels
Known Relatives: Unidentified ex-wife
Aliases: None (Deadpool briefly considered he might have a secret identity as Bowling Man, with a sidekick Gutter Boy)
Base of Operations: Unrevealed;
formerly an apartment in SoHo (South of Houston Street), Manhattan, New York
First Appearance: Deadpool: Paws (August, 2015)
Powers/Abilities:
Cruston Withers is a highly skilled bowler, competing in the "big
leagues." He uses a 16 pound ball, and his technique favors finesse and
accuracy over speed and power.
Cruston lifts weights regularly and has a muscular frame.
He has a pathologic hatred of dogs
in particular (which carries over to squirrels and perhaps other
animals). Blaming dogs for his problems in life, he enjoys using dogs
for bowling pins. He has a fully equipped bowling lane, complete with a
pinsetter and a digital scorekeeper. He used Velcro straps to hold the
puppies into the shape of bowling pins, and his pinsetter could hold at
least 30 puppies and would place ten of them just like a full set of
bowling pins.
He also uses a latex mask with wrinkled skin and thin white hair, as well as thick "Coke bottle" glasses, a bathrobe, and a cane to appear to be an elderly man...just because he likes doing that.
History:
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) - Cruston Withers -- or, at
least the man who would become Cruston Withers -- was a bowling champ,
playing in the big leagues. He had a trophy wife to go with his actual
trophies and "all the money in the world."
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) - The night of his big match, Withers was one frame shy of a perfect game and was making his approach when this kid's puppy got loose from his birthday party and took off across the lanes. Although he saw the puppy heading toward his lane, Withers was in the zone and didn't want to break focus, as well as figuring that the puppy would see the ball coming and get out of the way...however...
...the puppy was presumably injured if not killed.
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) - Withers was kicked out of the league. His girl left him for a foosball champ. He became a pariah. He tried to move on, and thought he had...
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) - One day, Withers
chucked a rock at a squirrel, and in some weird way, this made him feel
better. All of the pain he had been carrying around disappeared for a
while. However, the pain came back, worse than before, and he realized
that he had to keep it away.
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) -
Cruston Withers lived in SoHo, Manhattan, in a worn-brick Federal
(presumably referring to the style of architecture) building with the
front door painted black. He had a full bowling alley, a trophy room,
and a weight set he used to maintain his muscular frame. He also liked
to dress like an old man.
(Deadpool: Paws (fb) - BTS) - Cruston Withers ordered 30 puppies (see comments) and set them up in his bowling lane, using them as bowling pins.
(Deadpool: Paws - BTS) -
Seeking to locate those puppies, Deadpool traveled to Cruston Withers'
apartment, suspecting Withers to be an alias. Deadpool
considered Withers place to be the sort of rundown house you'd expect
to be inhabited by a 1970s-horror-comic host, and he pictured a lonely
old guy sitting in a chair by a roaring fire, regaling his dogs with
terror tales to blow their minds, like "'The Lurking Fear at Shadow
House' (for you Steranko fans!)."
Deadpool also briefly considered
that Withers could be a male variation on Cruella de Vil, planning to
use the dogs for a bathrobe...but then he appreciated that the pups
were all different breeds and that their skins wouldn't match.
He further speculated that Withers
could be a recent immigrant who missed the old country and was
preparing a stew to remind himself of home, noting nine major countries
that still ate dogs, but then he appreciated that thirty pups would
feed a lot of people...and Withers appeared to be the only human
occupant.
Briefly trying to be optimistic,
Deadpool thought Withers might be planning to give the puppies to
disadvantaged kids.
And then he thought that Withers might be sick of humankind and its cruelties, and that the lonely Cruston Withers wanted to be a dog himself, and so he got the puppies and dressed himself up in dog costume so they would accept him as one of their one...but then Deadpool got bored, deciding that he would just walk up an ask Withers, and that he could always start shooting later if he felt like it...
(Deadpool: Paws) - Deadpool
twisted the manual doorbell, and Withers shuffled to and unlocked the
door, which opened with a creak. Deadpool was not surprised by the
wrinkled skin, coke bottle glasses, and cane, nor by the smell of
puppies. Withers told him to go away and slammed the door; Deadpool
stuck his foot in to stop it, but Withers smashed it shut, nipping his
big toe.
(Deadpool: Paws - BTS) - Spotting
a piece of a latex mask stuck in the door frame, Deadpool suspected
duplicity, and he scouted out the home from outside, noting a room full
of heavy-duty weights and another full of bowling trophies. From the
back yard, he looked into the basement and spotted a fully-outfitted
bowling lane.
(Deadpool: Paws) - Setting aside his glasses and cane, Withers put on his bowling shoes and cast the ball down the lane...surprising Deadpool when instead of hearing clacking pins, he heard yapping. Breaking into the basement, Deadpool found that the puppies posed as bowling pins, held in place by Velcro straps, with all ten puppies fallen and whimpering (indicating Withers had gotten a strike). Deadpool tore into the machine, found, and freed the other 20 puppies held within.
Deadpool then assaulted Withers, punching him
once and finding him heavily muscled, after which he stopped holding
back and punched him repeatedly, divesting him of his mask in the
process and revealing Withers to be a "bruiser in his prime."
Nonetheless, he was dropped by Deadpool's series of punches. In between
occasional punches and kicks from the disgusted Deadpool, Withers told
his origin story, after which one of the puppies mutated into a Gruto
duplicate. Deadpool told the bewildered monster that Withers was to
blame for its existence, and as the creature expressed hunger, Withers
crawled away and hid. Deadpool guided the Gruto duplicate to make a
show of searching for him while Deadpool hid by the stairs, and when
Withers tried to make a break for the stairs, Deadpool grabbed him.
Withers begged Deadpool not to let the monster get him, and Deadpool -- thinking perhaps this crazy misadventure might be enough to make Withers rehabilitate himself -- asked him if he promise to never bowl again. Withers responded that he swore to only use squirrels from that point forward, and so Deadpool tossed him to Gruto who ate him.
Since they had worked together against Withers, Deadpool tried to bond with the Gruto duplicate, pointing out a little Cruston stuck in his teeth.
(Deadpool: Paws - BTS) - Ultimately
the monster went after a bunch of school children, and so Deadpool used
the SHIELD weapon to turn Gruto into pink goo.
Comments: Created by Stefan Petrucha.
Deadpool:
Paws is a text novel. Some people automatically discount such
stories...but why? If it is consistent with continuity, why couldn't it
be? This story didn't have any overt contradictions I noted while
reading it. Deadpool was working with Emily Preston of SHIELD in her
LMD body. "Aunt" May Parker was a bit out of character, but Deadpool
stories are so crazy on a regular basis, you just roll with it,
figuring his hazy memory and general craziness colors things somewhat.
Read the novel and judge it on its merits, not some
knee jerk/dogma...or at least read Chapter 18, with Cruston Withers...
Anyway...the bottom line is that this story and all the characters in it are fringe characters until confirmed one way or another.
Anyhoo, Deadpool was in the process of seeking out "puppies" who were secretly created by Dick and/or Jane (I know who they are, because I read the story, but I'm not spoiling it for you)
at an abandoned Weapon X laboratory. They had a canine larval
stage and would eventually transform into duplicates of classic Marvel
Monsters and go on a rampage, seeking to (and sometimes succeeding in)
devouring human flesh, until Deadpool blasted them with this SHIELD
nano-catalyst weapon that turned them into goo. They were shipped out
to be adopted as pets. I don't recall any more than that, but you don't
need to know any more for this profile.
Profile by Snood.
CLARIFICATIONS:
Cruston Withers should be distinguished from:
Appearances:
Deadpool:
Paws (August, 2015) - Stefan Petrucha (writer), Stuart Moore (editor),
Jeff Youngquist (senior editor, special projects), Sarah Brunstad
(assistant editor)
First posted: 08/20/2023
Last updated: 08/20/2023
Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.
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