TEEN HULK

Real Name: Chester Weems

Identity/Class: Presumably alternate reality (see comments) human mutate

Occupation: Student;
    briefly served Santa Claus' toy delivery role;
    briefly employed in sidewalk stand "Bobby's Soul Food"

Group Membership: (Chester) Millard Fillmore high school student body;
    Unidentified rock band (Behemoth Jack, Irving Nebbish, Obnoxio the Clown)

Affiliations: Pretty much nobody liked Chester except his mother;
    he had limited affiliations with Al the hippie, Buck Berryhill (see comments), Mr. Crotchet, Ms. Devine (Millard Fillmore faculty/possible teacher), Dr. Frankenpayne (his dentist), Miss Frisbee (world cultures teacher), Coach Fungus, Prudence the witch, unidentified blind date
    formerly Francis (Battel Creek high school student), unidentified orphan he sponsored;
    aided Santa Claus (presumably not the Earth-616 version) after smashing his sleigh;
    Chester would consider these guys friends, but they hated him and did him wrong: "Hoobie" Meany, Margo Meany, Mrs. Meany

Enemies: Baconians (especially "Pretty Boy" Pork, but also the local coppers), Clyde Batty, PT Barfbag, Billy Gene Kong, Bruno and his sidekick, Francis, Hunk, KGB (Komitet gosudarstvennoy bezopasnosti, translated in English as Committee for State Security), Laura the Gun Moll, Tammy Lefay, Little Sisters without Mercy from Our Lady of Corporal Punishment, Herb "Hoobie" Meany, Margo Meany, Mrs. Meany, Melanie, "Stocking Face" Malone, Namor the Sub-Mariner (presumably not the Earth-616 version...), Rock Steady, Satan's Snoz Busters, Mildred Schlepper, Seymour, Spunky the dog and his owner, United States Air Force, most of the girls at Millard Fillmore high school, numerous unidentified bullies, unidentified alligator, unidentified shark, four unidentified vampires, unidentified people Teen Hulk battered and/or looted during his "trick-or-treat" efforts;
    Santa Claus might consider Teen Hulk an enemy;
    unidentified orphan he sponsored

Known Relatives: Edgar (father), Zelda (mother),  Bobby and  (cousins), unidentified grandma

Aliases: "Tundra topped titan,"; once referred to as "Captain Chlorophyll";
    briefly Toast-T-Buns Girl;
    dressed as "Kasper the Dead Baby" for Halloween;
    once impersonated Bruno;
    once posed as a vampire;
    referred to as Santa while delivering toys for Santa Claus

Base of Operations: Millard Fillmore high school, California

First Appearance: Crazy Magazine#59 (February, 1980)

Powers/Abilities: In moments of danger or dire humiliation, craven nerd Chester Weems transformed into a tundra topped titan known as Teen Hulk (who generally shouted, "mean green!" upon transforming). In that form he had superhuman strength (Class 50? - he was strong enough to not only halt, but to crumple accordion-style, an on-rushing semi-truck) and durability. Though of limited intellect, he tended to know enough to take vengeance on those who would injure or humiliate Chester...though Chester rarely ended up much better from the experience.

    Teen Hulk could exhale with sufficient force to propel people several feet and through a window, though his breath has been compared to green onions.

    Intelligent enough to win a spelling bee (and to be bullied into writing other students' reports), Chester was extremely lacking in confidence and common sense, and thus consistently duped by others (often the same people, repeatedly) in hopes of fitting in. He was something of a lepidopterist (butterfly collector/studier). He read "Popular Ant Farming," perhaps indicating he also had an ant farm.

    Chester tended to engender disgust and resentment from others, rather than pity, sympathy, etc.; this seemed to be a nearly superhuman ability. Chester did not seem to be aware of his activities as Teen Hulk, though his dreams were haunted by a similar "muscle-bound monster," and he eventually heard others reference the same character, making him realize the creature was not just a dream.

    On one circumstance, after drinking a poison concoction, Chester briefly took on Teen Hulk's mentality without physically transforming. As such he was strong enough to punch out someone who wasn't ready for it.

Height: (Chester Weems) approximately 5'5"; (Teen Hulk) approximately 7'
Weight: (Chester Weems) approximately 140 lbs.; (Teen Hulk) approximately 600 lbs.
Eyes: (Chester Weems) dark, possibly brown; (Teen Hulk) presumably green
Hair:  (Chester Weems) blond; (Teen Hulk) light green

History:
(Crazy Magazine#60 (fb)) – Chester Weems was a misfit, a natural loser and klutz amongst the popular and cool kids of sunny California.

(Crazy Magazine#60 (fb) - BTS) – Chester earned a sizable trophy (first prize) in a 1978 spelling bee.

(Crazy#77 (fb) - BTS) - Chester established a butterfly collection.

(Crazy Magazine#60) – After reminder their teacher, Miss Frisbee, to collect their reports on Malibu surfers (which was actually supposed to be on Medieval serfs, and wasn't due until next week), Chester was pelted with spitball, sat on a cupcake dropped onto his seat (possibly by Chester), and was then threatened by a bully to write his report (and he better get an "A," or else); plus he forgot his lunch money.
    Later, at the dentist's office, Chester decided he'd rather buy cheap dentures than suffer torture, but Dr. Frankenpayne called him in before he could leave. Though Frankenpayne assured him of the modern orthodontic equipment (all his own inventions) he used, Chester said he heard his mother calling and then practiced his cries of agony for later. Dr. Frankenpayne decided to use Chester as the first test for his Gamma Ray Cavity Decoder; as Chester continued to make excuses, Dr. Frankenpayne masked him with a neuro-relaxant gas. Unbeknownst to Chester, the Gamma Ray Cavity Decoder tore asunder the very fabric of time and space and opened an interdimensional vortex/portal to the planet Baconia. Through the portal rushed "Pretty Boy" Pork, pursued by a pair of Baconian policemen. There was a brief shoot-out between the pig-men, and a few blasts hit Chester (who was doped up and dreaming the stimulation was caused by Farrah Fawcett), before "Pretty Boy" was sizzled by a blast from the cops. When the cops noticed Dr. Frankenpayne had the same kind of shoes as "Pretty Boy" (which they described as "criminal feet"), they decided the dentist must be an interplanetary accomplice, and they lugged the dentist and "Pretty Boy" through the portal with them, while a dazed Chester continued to dream. Later, an angry cleaning lady kicked him out of the building.
    Feeling funny and glowing, Chester was harassed by the bully who wanted his report, plus two of his friends. The tired Chester asked to be left alone, but the bully turned him upside down and then threw him in a Salvation Army clothing drop when only a dime dropped out. Chester suddenly transformed into a massive, green-skinned creature calling itself Teen Hulk, who took out the friends/flunkies, and hurled the bully into the US Marine Corps recruiting office, where he was apparently enlisted into service. Teen Hulk wandered off.

(Crazy Magazine#60 - BTS) – Teen Hulk returned to Chester's bed, fell asleep, and reverted back to Chester.

(Crazy Magazine#60) – Waking up the next morning (Saturday) with a nightmare-like memory of the recent events, Chester decided to rush to the skateboard arena before it got too crowded. Figuring Chester was friends with the giant green guy who beat them up, and they "cuckoo-glued" his feet to his skateboard, to which they attached a rocket that sent him hurtling into a tunnel. He changed into Teen Hulk before emerging in front of an Anvil Trucking truck.

(Crazy Magazine#62) – Propelled down the freeway by the skateboard, Teen Hulk caused a massive pile-up of cars, but the police didn’t seem to notice. PT Barfbag (entrepreneur and laxative salesman) and Clyde Batty were distraught when the wreck allowed their tennis-playing simian Billy Gene Kong to escape; they determined he would only be dangerous if he saw his media rival Howard Cokesell. Billy Gene Kong knocked out Zelda and her husband and ate their meal. Teen Hulk, after getting a car off his head, fought the ape, who was going mad after hearing Cokesell on the news. Barfbag and Batty hit Teen Hulk with a tranquilizer, apprehending him.

(Crazy Magazine#63 (fb) - BTS) – Drugged and abducted by carnival hucksters, Teen Hulk was placed in a cage car en route to...?

(Crazy Magazine#63) – Teen Hulk awakened in transit near Malibu and broke open and jumped through the back of the cage, and then ended up sliding down a steep cliff edge, the friction of which caught the back end of his pants on fire. When he crashed into a bush near the bottom, he reverted back to Chester, who crashed head first into the sand on the beach below. A group of beach partiers -- including Hunk and Melanie -- who had specifically arranged for only attractive people to be there, were not happy to see Chester. Melanie figured Chester had a crush on him and was trying to crash their party, but Chester tried to defuse things by saying he had just dropped in to surf. Considering "erasing his face" just for kicks, Hunk demanded to know where Chester's board was, and when Chester claimed to have forgotten it, Hunk loaned him a board, promising to punch him out if he couldn't surf. The inexperienced Chester was swiftly knocked off the board he had been laying on, and a great white shark then bit his board in half (Hunk had already fled the water after seeing the shark). Terrified, Chester turned into Teen Hulk, who punched the shark, then rode it like a surfboard, comparing himself to the Silver Surfer. Hunk and Melanie were impressed (Hunk considered him far out for his skills, while Melanie thought he looked like a fugitive from the Bermuda Triangle), but Teen Hulk suddenly got dizzy and fell off, sinking below the surface, where he was spotted by Namor the Sub-Mariner, who remarked, "I wish those surface dwellers would stop dumping garbage in my ocean!" Chester washed up on the shore, and the partiers, worried the big green guy might be hurt, rushed to check on him, not even realizing as they trampled Chester. Not finding the green guy, the others lost interest and headed back to the party. Chester realized that they were talking about the "muscle-bound monster that haunts my nightmares," which meant he wasn't just a nightmare. Chester further noted he admired the big green gargoyle in some ways, as he was everything Chester was not.

(Crazy Magazine#59) - A bored group of bullies decided they wanted to have some fun by stomping a nerd; they found Chester, who ran back into the locker room and hid in a locker before transforming into Teen Hulk, who then smashed out of the locker and confronted the surprised bullies.

 

 

 

(Crazy Magazine#66) - Chester attended his Millard Fillmore high school's annual Arbor Day Fete and Promenade, and though he set his standards low, he was disappointed when he was the only not chosen during the ladies' choice dance. He tried to brazen his way through it, but then the Satan's Snoz Busters motorcycle gang burst in. One of the bikers ran into Chester and threw him into the punch bowl, claiming to have made fruit punch. Coach Fungus confronted the hooligans, but they stole his nose (either literally, or via the old joke, and he fell for it...not completely clear; no blood, anyway). Chester was observed and pursued while trying to flee, but then turned into Teen Hulk and took out three of the four bikers in rapid succession. When the fourth biker fled with the cash box, a somewhat confused Teen Hulk followed Ms. Devine's instruction to stop him, but reverted back to Weems a few feet out of the school. However, the biker drove straight to the police station, begging for protection, and a police officer returned the cash box.

(Crazy Magazine#68) - Apparently accidentally dropped off at Battel Creek high school (and his bus driver refused to listen to his opposition), Chester was targeted by some local bullies. He fled, running into Francis, a Battel Creek student typically bullied by those students. Chester argued with Francis against wanting vengeance on the bullies, instead arguing patience, reasoning, and understanding. When the bullies later assaulted Chester in his classroom,  Chester turned into Teen Hulk and beat them silly. Largely convinced Chester had been right, when Francis stumbled across the unconscious bullies, other students assumed Francis had taken out the bullies, thought he was tough, and asked him to join them. Preferring this acceptance, Francis joined them and later waited to ambush Chester.

 

 

 

 

(Crazy Magazine#69) - On Halloween, as Chester prepared to go trick-or-treating as Kasper the Dead Baby (sic), his mother reminded him to keep an eye on cousin Bobby, who was going as Nixon. As Bobby lamented being stuck with his wimpy cousin, Chester was confronted by one of his regular bullies, Bruno, who had been vandalizing an Oldsmobile with spray paint, but paused to force Chester to agree to give him 90% of his take. Bruno had departed by the time the car's owner returned, and, assuming Chester and Bruno to be to blame, began threatening them. Chester ran off, but went "Mean Green" and then returned as Teen Hulk. When Chester ordered the man to leave Bobby alone, the man asked how he could get the paint off his car, and Teen Hulk helped him by ripping off all the car's external panels. Bobby then convinced Teen Hulk to go trick-or-treating with him, and Teen Hulk unwittingly terrified the owners of several houses into either passing out or giving up their valuables, including TVs, etc., which Teen Hulk carried over his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Crazy Magazine#70) - Teen Hulk apparently played in a rock band, playing guitar alongside Behemoth Jack, Irving Nebbish, and Obnoxio the Clown (see comments).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Crazy Magazine#71) – Chester watched over Margo and Bobby for Mr. and Mrs. Meany (as they headed out for a Christmas party). However, wanting to eat, watch TV, and generally not be bothered by Chester, the two kids pressured Chester to take them to see her Dad's hobby (Margo threatened that she vomits, goes into anaphylactic shock (life-threatening allergic reaction), and dies when people said no to her). Margo took Chester and Bobby up to her attic and showed that a German V-2 rocket (or a working model thereof), to which Bobby glued Chester's tie and Margo fired the rocket. As the rocket flew high into the sky, Chester turned into Teen Hulk seconds before crashing into Santa's reindeer as they flew his sleigh. After they crashed to the ground, Santa complained that -- with his bad back, his elves being on strike, "the missus getting all liberated," and the price of toys going sky high -- he thought things couldn't get any worse...until now. He felt that all he ever got over the years was frustration (and the pay was lousy -- "Do you have any idea what the Easter Bunny gets?"). Teen Hulk offered to help deliver the toys, but Santa decided to quit and move to Florida; "You like kids so much, you go chimney hopping!"
    Later that night, Teen Hulk smashed through the chimney at the Meany house, surprising Margo and Boddy, and accidentally crushing Margo's doll's head.

(Crazy Magazine#72) – Bruno conned Chester into impersonating him in the final game of the season due, allegedly, to his ingrown toenail and his rat being sick. Meanwhile, the rival team sought vengeance on Bruno for Bruno's abusive treatment of their team, coach, and mascot during their last pairing. As fate would have it, however, instead of sitting on the bench as he had planned, Chester/"Bruno" was sent out on the field as the rest of Millard Fillmore high team succumbed to injuries. Chester tried to run away, and the quarterback apparently threw the ball at "Bruno" behind him and bounced it off his head...but the opposing team piled on him anyway. He turned into Teen Hulk, threw off the players, picked up the ball from the ground and ran...the wrong way. Bruno was credited for a 90 yard touchdown for the other team (I am pretty sure that's an incomplete pass and a dead ball, but even if it was a live ball, Teen Hulk's run would have resulted in a safety, for 2 points, rather than a touchdown, but who knows what the rule was in this comic's reality?). Teen Hulk ran into the locker room and discarded his jersey, while Bruno, hearing the announcement of the touchdown, suited up and awaited his team's praise...instead they came in with hammers and spears, wishing to punish Bruno.

(Crazy#75 (fb) - BTS) - Mr. Meany sent Chester and Bobby out to distribute "Vote for Meany" shopping bags to support his campaign for mayor.

 

 

 

 

(Crazy#75) - Chester and Bobby observed "Stocking Face" Malone fleeing after a bank robbery and heading for his getaway car, in which Laura the Gun Moll waited. Bobby led Chester to duck into the front seat of the getaway car (apparently not appreciating its relationship/danger), in which Laura had jumped into the back seat as soon as a bullet from a shootout between Malone and a security guard or policeman hit the car. When Malone jumped in and gave them orders to drive, Chester turned into Teen Hulk. Bobby told Teen Hulk he remembered him and that he was fun, and Teen Hulk decided that walking with the car stuck around his waist was fun. When Laura asked to get out, Teen Hulk made a "fun" stop, flipping the front of the car forward and sending Malone, Laura, and Bobby flying out of the car and into Mr. Meany (who was campaigning), and an African-American guy who was informally debating with Meany, and a mother of apparent quintuplets, respectively. With Malone in his arms, Mr. Meany was the subject of scandalous press photographs, and was arrested. Disappointed that there was no more fun, Teen Hulk wandered off and reverted back to Chester in an alley.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Crazy Magazine#76) - Teen Hulk apparently participated in a police line-up, alongside Behemoth Jack, Irving Nebbish, and Obnoxio the Clown (see comments).

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Crazy#77 (fb) - BTS) - Bobby convinced Chester to work in his "Bobby's Soul Food" stand, in which he sold various foods containing lots of grease, and lots of chocolate.

(Crazy#77) - A younger kid asked Bruno to get rid of the stand, which was in their favorite baseball lot. Meanwhile, Chester noted how slow business was and questioned whether what they were selling was soul food, but Bobby assured him that his friend Leroy had told him how to fix it. While Chester speculated that Bobby wasn't going to make much money and that he wished he was home reviewing his butterfly collection, Bobby poured other ingredients -- including DDT, another bottle marked with a skull and crossbones, and even apparently moonshine from a still he had brought -- into a cup next to a "Kule Aide" label. Bobby encouraged Chester to take a drink; Chester did, then collapsed immediately. Bobby decided to take a drink, too, and transformed into a large, hairy monster.
    As Chester awakened, Bruno threatened him to leave, but when Bruno shoved his face into a spinach and chocolate bowl, Chester seemed to go "Mean Green," but he retained Chester's body with Teen Hulk's mind. "Teen Hulk" recognized Bruno, and Chester surprised him by punching him into the air. Nonetheless, Bruno recovered quickly and prepared to throttle Chester, who, despite being held in the air by his head, threatened with "Teen Hulk smash!" Not appreciating his own transformation, Bobby tried to get Bruno to let Chester off easy by convincing him Chester had flipped his lid. As soon as Bruno saw the monstrous Bobby, he fled and told the kids about the huge, ugly monster, while Bobby and Chester both reverted to normal without realizing what had happened to them. Not believing Bruno, the group of kids decided to punish him; they pinned his arm and shoved his face into the chocolate/spinach bowls as Bobby kept them freshly supplied. Chester, meanwhile, decided the "Soul Food" wasn't half bad, and he started eating some of the chicken.

(Crazy#78) - After Bruno tried to burn the school report cards, a fire alarm sounded, and Chester was trampled by students rushing for the exit. When a hall monitor Buck Berryhill (see comments) tried to check on him, Chester stood up suddenly and accidentally knocked out Buck. Panicking, Chester went "Mean Green"; Teen Hulk carried Buck to the office, where he found Bruno. Trusting Bruno to put out the fire while he saved Buck, Teen Hulk shoved the trash can full of burning report cards into Bruno's abdomen, knocking him out the window. Caught red-handed with the smoking trash can, Bruno was disappointed to learn his own was amongst those not burned. Teen Hulk continued to aimlessly carry Buck to safety, as he didn't know where "safety" was, until he reverted to Chester. Buck awakened to the half-naked Chester and correctly realized there was something weird about the kid.

(Crazy Magazine#79) – As the KGB monitored the situation from back home, one of their spies in the US stole a formula for genetic mutation; the spy had his face altered so he would look like an average American, allowing him to pose as Chester Weems, and the KGB to capture Chester. The KGB tortured Chester with simulated grandma kisses, sounds of tap dancing and bird calls, and the smells of an Italian kitchen, until he transformed into Teen Hulk. Agent Shapiro of the CIA soon arrested the spy and the KGB operatives.

(Crazy Magazine#81) – On Halloween night, against his better judgment, Chester Weems agreed to pose as a vampire in a coffin (from “Jimmy’s Rent-a-Casket”), convinced by Bruno in a Wolverine costume. Bruno really planned to steal Chester’s prize at the Halloween raffle, and he hid the locked coffin in the cellar. At the Halloween party, an actual vampire attacked, but no one believed he was real. In the cellar, Chester turned to Teen Hulk, scared off three overweight vampire women, then defeated the vampire at the party, scaring away all the guests.

(Crazy#82 (fb) - BTS) - Chester promised to take Bobby and Margo to a museum while Margo's dad, Hoobie Meany, was away supervising a space shuttle launch.

(Crazy#82) - As Mr. Meany prepared to leave, Bobby and Margo dumped the sleeping Chester in the footlocker Mr. Meany was bringing to simulate cargo on the shuttle. The footlocker was indeed placed in the shuttle, which took off as planned. Awakened by the racket, Chester climbed out of the footlocker and wandered out an open door in the shuttle (it's a comedy strip...). As he plummeted towards otherwise certain doom, Chester turned into Teen Hulk, who smashed through a pair of air force jets investigating what had fallen from the shuttle. Teen Hulk finally landed on the ground control building, where Meany and his buddies were drinking beer and playing poker; he landed on their table and knocked them all out.
    Back at the Meany's house, Chester fell asleep in a lounge chair, while Mrs. Meany, irate over Hoobie having been reported as drunk during the watch, made him mow the lawn in her apron.

(Crazy Magazine#83 (fb) - BTS) - Via an advertisement in Popular Ant Farming, Chester began sponsoring an orphan.

(Crazy Magazine#83) - Chester bought some socks and underwear on Christmas Eve for the young orphan he was sponsoring, and his young cousins Bobby and Margo thought that he was giving them the socks and underwear as gifts. Furious, they bought a dead fish and wrapped it up for Chester. On Christmas day, they were surprised to find Chester had gotten them a pair of tricycles. Feeling bad, they grabbed the present containing the dead fish, rushed upstairs, and tossed it out the window. Figuring they just couldn't afford a nice gift and felt bad, Chester jumped out the window to recover the gift. Bobby and Margo grabbed onto him as he went out the window, and they soon were all wrapped up in a giant snowball. Chester turned into Teen Hulk and broke the snowball apart, then rescued a young boy who had fallen through the ice on a lake. Unseen, Teen Hulk turned back into Chester. Bobby and Margo recognized the boy as the orphan Chester was sponsoring, and the orphan kicked Chester in the shin for sending him "those dumb socks."

(Crazy#84 (fb) - BTS) - Chester practiced all week for a roller skating to compete in a roller disco competition. In the process, he deprived himself of sleep, food, and Lawrence Welk.

(Crazy#84) - Having mastered backwards skating and a backwards flip, Chester was sure he'd win. As he approached the roller disco, he encountered Seymour, an obnoxious snot he couldn't stand and hoped to whip the pants off of. However, when Seymour commented that he wasn't going to bother with any easy, sissy, imagination-lacking things like a backwards flip, Chester panicked and went Mean-Green. Teen Hulk rushed out on skates when they called Chester's name and, unable to stop, continued out into traffic, running over a car or two before rushing straight at on oncoming semi-truck. As intended, it stopped Teen Hulk, though the truck accordioned on itself. Chester returned to the disco in time to find that Seymour had won.

(Crazy#85) - Bruno convinced Chester to ask out a pretty girl named Tammy at school during the upcoming field trip to the zoo. After spending the evening and next morning practicing pick-up lines, Chester caught up with Tammy, but while he tried to lean up against the wall while he repeatedly flubbed a line...he actually leaned up against empty air and fell into the alligator pit. Turned off and unaware and/or unconcerned with Chester's fate, Tammy told him to get lost. When a gator tried to attack Chester, he went mean green and threw the alligator into Bruno. Teen Hulk then told Tammy he liked her, but when she told him to give her a break, he took her literally, apparently leaving her in agony from a broken bone.

(Crazy Magazine#87) – Chester and Bobby attended the filming of a commercial for new product Toast-T-Buns’ Thermal Underwear, directed by Mr. Meany at Cashton’s Department Store. Margo was terrible as the Toast-T-Buns Girl, so Meany cast Chester instead. Margo pranked Chester, setting his pants on fire and triggering his change to Teen Hulk, who demanded to be Toast-T-Buns Girl himself.

(Crazy#88 (fb) - BTS) - Chester's mother arranged a blind date for him.

(Crazy#88) - While Chester showered, his cousin Bobby called over Bruno to try to pick up Chester's date; and Bobby glued the shower door shut. Unable to get out, Chester panicked and went mean green, smashing out of the side of the house and landing on Bruno; the girl, who turned out to be a babysitter hired to watch Bobby, was soaked by the shower water.

(Crazy#88 - BTS) - Chester's real date showed up later, and the two went out.

(Crazy#89 (fb) - BTS) - At the grocery store, Chester's mom sent him on four missions to pick up "one last thing."

(Crazy#89) - Chester's mom sent him to get some semi-dill sweet pickles. Frustrated and unable to find them, Chester happened upon Bobby and Margo disguised as an adult (with Margo sitting on Bobby's shoulders and the pair wearing an overcoat), devouring boxes of "Whimpies" cereal in hopes of getting enough pieces of the "Wonder Puzzle" to win a bike. After the store manager caught them and threw them out, Chester wandered into the store's freezer, where "Stocking Face" Malone (alongside his gun moll, Laura) were hiding out after breaking out of jail, with plans to loot the store to get enough money to make it to Mexico. Malone stole Chester's coat and locked him in the freezer, eventually causing Chester to go mean green and break out. While Malone had already been thrown by the store manager who thought he was the kids in the overcoat again, the freezer shattering caused a domino effect of collapsing shelves that left the store a wreck. Chester's mom was disappointed as he returned without the pickles.

(Crazy#90) - Tammy Lefay and Mildred Schlepper needed a pawn to prove their science fair psychology demonstration, that girls could easily manipulate the adolescent male. Seeking a stupid, gullible, and wimpy guy, Tammy quickly identified Chester and told him she'd let him kiss her and stuff if he helped with her project.

(Crazy#90 - BTS) - Tammy had Chester stand inside a dressing closet style booth.

(Crazy#90) - When Chester heard Tammy revealing how she had manipulated him to get there, he was so embarrassed that he went mean green and burst out of the booth, shattering it. Teen Hulk asked Tammy why she kept him in the little dark room, but as she stammered a response, he quickly lost interest, tossed her in head-first into a volcano exhibit, and wandered off. Later, Chester read a book: "How to Score with Gurls," (sic) the back cover of which noted, "Even wimps can do it!"

(Crazy#91 (fb) - BTS) - Seeking both to get pictures of the girls changing in their locker room and to make Chester take the blame, Bruno left a note on Chester's desk from a "secret admirer" telling him to meet her outside the girls' locker room at a specific time.

(Crazy#91) - While Chester waited outside the girls' locker room, Bruno burst in through another door, wearing a ski mask as he took taking pictures of the girls in various states of undress. Bruno then rushed out the door, dumping the mask into Chester's hands. The girls followed soon after, predictably assuming Chester to be the perpetrator, and violently attacking him. Chester went mean green and burst out from underneath the female dogpile, surprising (and intriguing some of) the girls. As Coach Fungus appeared with members of the football team, the girls took off, pursued by the football team and the bemused Teen Hulk. The group unwittingly trampled the visiting Little Sisters without Mercy from Our Lady of Corporal Punishment, leading the nuns to vengefully chase them, and Spunky, the little dog of an old woman, who complained to the disbelieving police of the violent rampage. While Bruno tried to futilely sell the pictures he had taken, Teen Hulk smashed through the wall, exposing Bruno as the true culprit to all involved. The cops demanded explanations from everyone, "except, of course, the big green kid!"...and Bruno wondered how every time he did something rotten to Weems kid, he ended up getting in trouble.

(Crazy#92 (fb) - BTS) - Mr. Meany instructed Chester and Bobby to watch Margo for 10 minutes while he ran to the corner store for cigars. During that time, however, Margo disappeared, escaping the boys' attention as she sneaked up to the attic to play with her dad's rockets while she chowed down on a tub of ice cream.

(Crazy#92) - Furious upon learning Margo had apparently sneaked out, and believing she had run off to see the Rock Steady concert at the Palazzio theater, Mr. Meany throttled Chester and Bobby and then sent them to recover Margo from that "freak show"; he gave Chester money to buy tickets to get in. When they got to the concert, however, Chester was swiftly trampled by aggressive fans (though he made friends with a hippy named Al, who had had a plant named Chester). While Bobby got bounced around atop the crowd, Chester went mean green, with Al sitting on his shoulders. When Bobby landed on stage, only to be shoved and then literally kicked off by Rock Steady, Teen Hulk jumped on stage and repeatedly smashed Rock into the stage with a guitar. When Rock's manager encouraged Rock to keep it up as the fans loved it, Teen Hulk leveled the stage and ultimately the whole theater. Al congratulated Teen Hulk for his great performance.
    Meanwhile, Mr. Meany was pleased when Margo came downstairs after running out of ice cream.

(Crazy#93 (fb) - BTS) - An owl hooted Chester and Bobby went out trick or treating (the latter as an Arabian sheik), causing Chester to flee and turn into Teen Hulk. Missing the transformation, Bobby encountered Teen Hulk and recruited him for trick or treating.

(Crazy#93) - With Teen Hulk holding his hand, Bobby kept calling out for Chester. Reminded of trick-or-treating (as they'd done before, in Crazy#69), Chester knocked on a door, punching though it and knocking the homeowner out. Teen Hulk and Bobby encountered a seemingly wannabe witch named Prudence. Bobby didn't believe she was a real witch, and he convinced Prudence to accompany them trick-or-treating. Teen Hulk got bored and wandered off to continue his previous door-punch tactics, after which Bruno showed up with his sidekick, who stole Bobby's candy bag while Bruno planted a big kiss on the unwilling Prudence. Observing this Teen Hulk pounded on Bruno and his sidekick until they returned the candy and apologized. After Chester returned to normal, Bobby told him about the "fake witch," after which Prudence flew by on a broom, unable to stop it once she'd gotten it started.

 

(Crazy#94) - Chester's mom sent him into the bathroom to change into an outfit she had bought him for school pictures.

(Crazy#94) - Chester reluctantly came out of the bathroom, wearing his nearly knee-high flood plaid pants, with dark shoes, a thick, fuzzy sweater. and a bow tie. Humiliated, Chester wore dark sunglasses to school in a futile hope no one would recognize him, but one of the kids asked Bruno to get rid of Chester so he wouldn't ruin their pictures. Playing on Chester's insecurity over being laughed at for his outfit, Bruno convinced Chester to cut Mr. Crotchet's class. At the Crazy Coffee Shop, while Chester was overcome with guilt and paranoia for skipping class, Bruno spotted Mr. Crotchet passing by as planned, and Bruno ran out on Chester, sneaking out the back door. Cursing his stupidity, Chester ran out front to Crotchet, dropped to his knees, hugged Crotchet's ankles, confessed skipping class, and accepted any impending punishment. Not even recognizing Chester, Crotchet told him to get back to school immediately and remind him about the cut class tomorrow. En route to school, Chester's frustration over being played by Bruno again led him to go mean green, and Teen Hulk rushed into the school, got directions to Bruno from a terrified hall monitor, and then beat Bruno (leaving him in crutches and a forearm cast/sling, with multiple bruises, a goose egg on his head, and a black eye) while forcing him into Chester's outfit (which had somehow been shed and not shredded when Chester turned into Teen Hulk.

 

 

 

Comments: Created by Marie Severin and Larry Hama.

    Teen Hulk referred to himself by that name, but most people just described him as some big green guy. He was occasionally called Teen Hulk, though.

    It is unclear whether Teen Hulk is Earth-616 or not.

    Somewhat interestingly, the interaction with the Baconians is never referenced again after Crazy Magazine#60...only the gamma ray decoder is referenced. Nonetheless, it happened...

    Buck Berryhill is a native of the real, non-fictional world, Reality-1218. He won the contest to draw Baby Hulk, and part of his prize was appearing in the Teen Hulk feature in Crazy Magazine#78. I guess that would be Buck-80360...

    The bulk of Teen Hulk's stories were written by Jim Owlsley...later known as Christopher Priest, and then simply Priest. The Black Panther by Priest (and Sal Velluto and Bob Almond) was one of the top runs/series by Marvel in my opinion (for that matter, Priest's Quantum & Woody for Acclaim was spectacular, as well). Teen Hulk, from a kid's humor magazine, was unrecognizable from Priest's material, but it was a different time, and a radically different genre. Nonetheless, as I approached the end of the run of Teen Hulk stories, I looked forward to some sort of resolution; but, the last issue was not significantly different from any other Teen Hulk strip.
    Maybe Priest could be convinced to write a Teen Hulk finale series, in a style fit for a more adult audience. ...I'd buy it...

    In at least his first appearance, Chester was prone to exclaim, "Geehorseyfat" (in place of Jehosaphat)

    I'm not certain if I have all of his appearances. I don't have every issue of Crazy, but I can get them. Let me know what all I missed and I'll try to add it in eventually. Further, let me know if I missed any details.

Profile by Snood.

CLARIFICATIONS:
No KNOWN connections to:

images: (without ads)
Comics Feature#33 (January-February, 1985) - pg. 47 (including the cover and counting every page = per the page numbers), panel 5
Crazy#59, inside back cover (intro Teen Hulk advertisement);
    #66, Teen Hulk story, pg. 1, panel 3 (face);
            panel 4 (full body);
    #69, pg. 1, panel 2 (good Teen Hulk image by Marie Severin);
            panel 3 (Chester as Kasper);
    #70 - cover
    #84, Teen Hulk story, pg. 2, panel 4 (roller skating)
    #94, Teen Hulk story, pg. 1, panel 2 (bad outfit for Chester);
            panel 3 (Teen Hulk standard logo/image)

Appearances:
 Crazy Magazine#59 (February, 1980) – Larry Hama (writer), Marie Severin (penciler), Jim Owsley (assistant editor), Aron Mayer (editor) - no credits listed for the add
Crazy Magazine#60 (March, 1980) – Michael Pellowski (script), Marie Severin (penciler), John Tartaglione (inker), Jim Owsley (editor)
Crazy Magazine#62 (May, 1980) – no credits listed
 Crazy Magazine#63 (June, 1980) – no credits listed
Crazy Magazine#66 (September, 1980) – no writer credited; Marie Severin (penciler), John Tartaglione (inker), Jim Owsley (associate editor), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#68 (November, 1980) - Jim Owlsley (writer/associate editor), Ron Wilson (penciler), John Tartag (inker), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#69 (December, 1980) - Jim Owlsley (writer/associate editor), Marie Severin (artist), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#70 (January, 1981) - James Sherman (cover artist), Jim Owlsley (associate editor), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#71 (February, 1981) - Jim Owlsley (writer/associate editor), Marie Severin (artist), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#72 (March, 1981) - Jim Owlsley (writer/associate editor), Marie Severin (artist), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#75 (June, 1981) - Jim Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Marie Severin (artist & storyteller), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#77 (August, 1981) - Jim Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Steve Toomey (penciler), Frank Giacoia (inker), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#78 (September, 1981) - Jim Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Marie Severin (artist & storyteller), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#79 (October, 1981) – Jim Owlsley (writer), Marie Severin (penciler)
 Crazy Magazine#81 (December, 1981) – Jim Owlsley (writer), Bob McLeod (penciler)
Crazy Magazine#82-85 (January-April, 1982) - Jim Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Bob McLeod (penciler), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#87-92 (June-November, 1982) – James Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Gary Hallgren (penciler/inker), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#93 (February, 1983) – James Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Gary Hallgren (penciler/inker), Larry Hama (editor)
Crazy Magazine#94 (April, 1983) – James Owlsley (writer/managing editor), Gary Hallgren (penciler/inker), Larry Hama (editor)

Last updated: 04/12/15

Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.

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