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GORNAN THE BAR-B-Q-BARIAN

Real Name: Gornan

Identity/Class: Extradimensional/alternate reality (Reality-88131) extraterrestrial (Melmacian)

Occupation: Adventurer, mercenary

Group Membership: None

Affiliations: Burpo Melmarx, Chippo Melmarx, Oucho Melmarx, Princess Rhondar-ling

Enemies: Hydra-Foil, Kitchen Witch, Skinbad

Known Relatives: Augie Shumway, Bob Shumway, Curtis Shumway, Flo Shumway, Gordon Shumway (a.k.a. ALF) (descendants)

Aliases: None

Base of Operations: Mobile on planet Melmac;
   formerly Simmeria, Ancient Empire of Acetonia (see map), planet Melmac
   (also see comments)

First Appearance: ALF#20/2 (October, 1989)

Powers/Abilities: Gornan is an adventurer and keen wanderer, a master chef and expert fighter with the sword who bravely tackles monstrous obstacles to achieve a quest. He has the usual physical attributes of a Melmac native (compared to humans), with heightened immunity, extended lifespan (set at 650 years) and a savage appetite open to many forms of food (including cats). He is armed with a (potentially semi-mystical) sword that can cut through obscured time portals and his shield doubles as a hibachi grill to prepare a quick outdoor meal on his voyages. He respected the god Meat-Ra.

Height: 4'
Weight: Unrevealed
Eyes: Black
Hair: Brown fur

History:

(ALF#20/2) - In the days of ancient Melmac, Gornan the Bar-B-Q-Barian had a fearsome reputation as a warrior and a chef. His prime quest was the collector's item of the sacred Cookbook of Julia Child. He chanced upon the beauteous Princess Rhondar-ling tied to a stake menaced by the fearsome Hydra-Foil beast. Gornan's berserker rage helped him tear apart the monster and he released Rhondar-ling, who in freedom, was now smitten by him. She was ruler of the land of Vitriol and tied up by enemy ruler Kitchen Witch, who sought to expand her own territory. Kitchen Witch had the sacred tome, so the duo journeyed to Kitchen Witch's castle, overcoming many traps until they confronted the hag in her throne room. Using magic affecting only females, Kitchen Witch turned Rhondar-ling to stone and dropped Gornan into a crocodile trap. Clutching the sacred cookbook, Kitchen Witch disappeared with Rhondar-ling and her castle before Gornan could recover, leaving Gornan wondering if it had all been a dream.

(ALF Holiday Special#2/3) - Gornan quested for Rhondar-ling and sought revenge on Kitchen Witch. He stopped by a bar for another lunch break but was heckled and thrown out by monstrous bully Skinbad the Sailor. He sought advice from a wise sage on Mt. Melmackinley on the whereabouts of Kitchen Witch. The guru sent him to Kitchen Witch's enchanted curtain where Gornan slashed through the literal fabric of time; Gornan ended up vast years in the future (still on Melmac) in the office of wacky mayor Oucho Marx. Thinking Gornan his newly hired bodyguard, Oucho took him along to the residence of newly arrived rich widow Dumelmont (actually Kitchen Witch in disguise) who Oucho sought to woo for her money. Gornan lunched with Dumelmont's guards (Oucho's brothers Chippo and Burpo) and deduced that Dumelmont was Kitchen Witch. He confronted her in her statuette garden and forced her to return Rhondar-ling to her Melmacian form. Rhondar-ling embraced Gornan and Kitchen Witch escaped while Gornan was distracted. Later, Gornan slashed Oucho's office walls looking for the time portal.

(ALF#50/3) - Gornan and Kitchen Witch had their final encounter.

Comments: Created by Michael Gallagher, Dave Manak, Marie Severin.

The final scene in ALF Holiday Special#2/3 shows Gornan's sword cutting through a wall searching for a time portal on Melmac; in the next (and final) panel, a sword of that exact same design cuts through the Tanner household's wall where ALF is staying on Earth, suggesting that Gornan made it to Earth (and thereby escaped the later destruction of Melmac).

The wrap-up story in the final issue (ALF#50/3) summarized stories intended to be published. Apparently the (unpublished) Spring Special#2 was to have had the final encounter between Gornan and the Kitchen Witch to close the trilogy.

There seems to be a lot of talk about characters "breaking the 4th wall", from Deadpool to She-Hulk. Marvel comic characters have been doing it for decades in some form, but ALF especially so for comedic value (which is a notable difference with the ALF television series).

Gornan the Bar-B-Q-Barian is a play on words on Gordon (ALF's first name) and his passion of food, and Conan the Barbarian. Skinbad the Sailor of course refers to Sinbad. Meat-Ra = Meat + Mitra (god from Conan's era). The puns fly thick and fast in Marvel's ALF comic stories, so I won't explain everything in the Acetonia map, etc! (You can compare the map of Gornan's Acetonia to maps of Conan's Hyboria).

With apologies to Robert E. Howard's Nemedian Chronicles: "Hither came Gornan, the Simmerian, brown furred, hungry-eyed, sword in hand, a chef, meat cleaver, a slayer, with gigantic appetite and gigantic schnoz, to tread the ragged time portals of Melmac under his smelly feet. From No-Menu Diner & Kronut Deli"

Further details on the Melmacian alien species (according to the ALF television show) can be found on a Melmac fansite. No problem!

Profile by Grendel Prime.

CLARIFICATIONS :
Gornan the Bar-B-Q-Barian has no known connections to:

Hydra-Foil

The Hydra-Foil was a beast from Melmac's ancient history. It lived in long box and was made of sentient aluminum sheet, and was placed to guard the captive Princess Rhondar-ling by the nefarious Kitchen Witch, a ruler from a neighboring land who sought to expand territory. Gornan the adventurer chanced upon the bound Princess Rhondar-ling and immediately went to free her, but the Hydra-Foil jumped out of its box and squeezed Gornan in its "wrap 'n' seal" grip. Gornan's berserker rage left the Hydra-Foil destroyed in shreds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--ALF#20/2

Rhondar-ling

In the ancient days of Melmac, Princess Rhondar-ling was the empress of the land of Vitriol. She was captured by dastardly Kitchen Witch, ruler of the neighboring land of Tydye over a border dispute. Kitchen Witch left Rhondar-ling tied to a stake guarded by a dire Hydra-Foil. Adventurer Gornan the Bar-B-Q-Barian chanced upon her and freed her; she was instantly smitten with him for this. Gornan quested for the sacred Cookbook of Julia Child and Rhondar-ling told Gornan that Kitchen Witch had it. Together, they journeyed to Kitchen Witch's castle and overcame her traps. Kitchen Witch  magically turned Rhondar-ling into a statue and escaped with the petrified Rhondar-ling while Gornan was trapped. Kitchen Witch traveled far through time, disguising herself as a beautiful widow with a statue garden (that included Rhondar-ling). Gornan pursued them using a time portal and forced his foe return Rhondar-ling to her living form. Rhondar-ling hugged Gornan, allowing Kitchen Witch to escape. Later, Rhondar-ling tried to help Gornan as he slashed the walls of Oucho Marx's office looking for the time portal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--ALF#20/2 (ALF Holiday Special#2/3

Skinbad

A much taller and stockier Melmacian, Skinbad the Sailor was an intimating brawler at a bar visited by Gornan. Skinbad mocked Gornan behind his back as Gornan munched another meal. When Gornan turned to challenge him, Gornan immediately backed down when he saw Skinbad's size and the bully threw Gornan out of the bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

--ALF Holiday Special#2/3

images: (without ads)
ALF Holiday Special#2/3, p1, pan1 (main image)
ALF Holiday Special#2/3 , p2, pan5 (headshot)
ALF Holiday Special#2/3, p2, pan1 ((Frazetta pose)
ALF#20/2, p3, pan2 (Hydra-Foil)
ALF#20/2, p4, pan1 (Rhondar-ling)
ALF#20/2, p3, pan6 (Rhondar-ling freed by Gornan)
ALF Holiday Special#2/3, p2, pan7 (Skinbad)
ALF#20/2, p2, pan1 (map of Acetonia)

Appearances:
ALF#20/2 (October, 1989) - Michael Gallagher (writer), Dave Manak (pencils), Marie Severin (inks), Sid Jacobson (editor)
ALF Holiday Special#2/3 (Winter, 1990) - Michael Gallagher (writer), Dave Manak (pencils), Jacqueline Roettcher (inks), Sid Jacobson (editor)
ALF#50/3 (February, 1992) - Michael Gallagher (writer), Dave Manak (pencils), Marie Severin (inks), Sid Jacobson (editor)

First posted: 01/04/2022
Last updated: 01/04/2022

Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.

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